Fostering: It takes a special person?

     So we have our first foster child....It has been four weeks.

     Since we have been going through this process...many people say to us, "Wow! I could never do that." "You are very special to be able to do that." "You must have a special heart!" It always makes me very uncomfortable.

     I have read books and blogs on this subject that talk about the authors being angry when they heard that. I just assumed that was what I must be feeling too. So the other day when this conversation came up and I was telling the person how I feel angry when others say that to me, I was feeling empty and hollow as I said it. Something didn't feel right. I was repeating others feelings, not my own.  I left that conversation so troubled with what I was truly feeling.
   
     Over the last week as I have thought about it over and over and over again, I have realized I am not angry. I am- embarrassed. I feel awkward and totally unprepared to respond.

    I am not special. I do not have a "special" heart. I have a deeply dark selfish sinful heart.....BUT I also have Jesus speaking to me saying that we, as His church, need to take care of those who can not take care of themselves. We need to give up ourselves and our own self-interests and lay our lives down for those who can't take care of themselves.
 
     If we follow Jesus, He has a calling for each of us.  My family's calling at this point is to give a loving, caring home to a child who needs it. Is it easy? NO WAY! Is it always fun? NO WAY! But it is what Jesus has called us to do at this time and we will follow!

Radical

My husband has been in seminary for the last three years and he now has been called to a church....so we are now making a huge life change......
For the three years he has been in seminary, we have been asking alot of questions like what is church really all about?  what is the purpose of church?  what does Jesus REALLY want us to do here with this life He has given us???????????  So I am at a place with MANY questions and praying and waiting on answers!  We felt like we HAD to make a radical change 5 years ago when my husband's mother died of cancer, our best friend at the age of 28 died of cancer 6 months after being diagnosed and I had a miscarriage.  These all happened in a little over 1 year.  We knew at that moment that this life is short and SO meaningless if it is not focused 100% on Christ.  Everything in this world will be gone except for people!  They will be in eternity - heaven or hell and we felt like we needed to do something.  So now 5 years later and seminary behind us...I feel like if I don't constantly remind myself, I get real comfortable, real fast. 
The part where Pastor Platt talks about how we make Jesus into who we want him to be......whoa!!!  Totally convicting!  I have been thinking alot about how we can convince ourselves of so many things that are not true.  It scares me.  How do I know I am not fooling myself with any thought or idea?!?  Our minds are so powerful.  I heard Bill Mahr speak last night on Jay Leno with such conviction and anger about how religion is only for ignorant, needy people and the religious books were written by people who didn't know what germs were or that the earth revolved around the sun.  You could tell he was so sure of himself.  He would probably die for that truth.  I KNOW he is wrong (or do I???)!  Just kidding, but convictions can only take us to far depending on what they are based on and what their foundations are.  So many Christians have gone away from understanding the importance of God's Word.  how do we know who God is?  Who Christ is?  What Christ wants form us in this life?  The whole point of life?  Only if we read the one thing that He left for us: the Bible.  Maybe I am the only one who struggles with this.  I almost did not do this read-along because I had just said I needed to stop readinng other books and start getting into God's Word...stop reading about what others say about Him and see what He says about himself and what He wants me to know about Him.  I may be the only one who struggle with this....I don't think so though!!!  I am not a blogger so....thanks for reading! :-)

Offering to Help

Here is my two cents from being in three situations where people are not healthy and may need help. Don't offer to help. Don't say "just let meknow if you need anything". That does nothing and means nothing. I think the only thing it does is make you feel good about yourself because -hey, at least you offered. The person , for the most part, is not going to call you up and ask you to come over and lcean their bathroom, or make them lunch, or wash their laundry. You need to call them tell them you will be over and have a list of things they need done ready. THen you go over and you do what they need. If you don't do this, then you didn't really want to help in the first place. It was just an empty remark made to make yourself fell better.

Community

Are people truly as busy as they say they are?
Are they busy or are they lazy? Do people desire to spend time with others?
Do they desire it and do it or do they just talk about it but then never do anything about it?
Is someone busy when they want to sit home and watch 1 - 2 shows every night on television?

I know that I desire to get to know people, to spend time with people and truly get to know them - not superficially. I want to know their thoguhts, dreams, hopes, fears. Do others feel the same or am I alone? Because lately, it feels as though I am alone. People say this but then do the opposite - by sitting home watching television instead of meeting together and talking and spending time - good quality time together. This is just a rambling because my thoughts have just started swirling over this. Over the past 3 months we have asked about 10 different people to come over for dinner.....and not one has been able to make it. They are all "too busy".

Of course, now my thoughts go to it must be me. They must not want to spend time with me. I may be annoying or embarrassing or something. Do I need too much social interaction with others? I don't know.....maybe.

After these experiences, the thought of going into ministry scares me. My desire is to get to know others and to build into their lives and for them to build into my life - so that together our relationships help us to know and love Jesus more. Can this happen? How can one care for people who are "too busy".

I think - I work 20 hours a week from home, have three kids under 5 (homeschooling one of them), do all the housework, shopping, cleaning, and do a lot for my husband who is "too busy" because of his schoolwork......I don't feel too busy to meet with people for dinner. Shouldn't I be too busy also? Am I not doing enough?

For some reason God has put this huge desire in my heart to be with people.....to talk, to learn about them. It has to be there for a reason. I will not let this discouragment discourage me. I will keep plugging away trying to find someone who is not "too busy". There has to be someone out there who is not too busy! :-) Isn't there?

Relativism

As you can see the last I posted was 5 month ago. Although I must say a lot of thoughts have been going on, just haven't had the time to post. It it very hard to be open and honest. I actually think it is harder on the internet: not knowing who will read or look at this. It is easier face to face when I know who I am sharing with.

I am finding it difficult to write to no audience. I know no one reads this so you think it would be easy to just say whatever I am feeling. Does thsimean I really only takl about and say things because of the audience that is listening. I guess this should be good practice then to just say my true feelings and not what I think people want to hear.

So here it goes: since God is real, and God wants people to know and love Him, why is it that the majority will not and turn from Him? I understand God's sovreignty and our free will, but why is it so drastic? I was listening to Ravi Zacahrius (no idea of the spelling), the Christian apologist, and he was talking about the Academia and how they have gone to such irrational thought to be full of thought. Why does it have to be the opposite extreme? It is either love God or hate God. Is there no middle ground? Even Christian universities, yes even seminaries, have so much of the world influencing them. It is amazing. I look at the culture and we see such a high idea of relativism. Everyone is right, there is no wrong. Even respected conservative Christian institutions have bought into this. My question is can we buy into this at all? Doesn't even a little bit of letting this sink into our beliefs cause us to start down a very slippery slope? I can allow someone else to express their opinion and even nod and smile when it is the exact opposite of mine, but I do not need to respond by saying that is good for you, but this is what is good for me...... WHAT DOES THE WORD OF GOD SAY? Isn't this the key question? How can men go to seminary to become professors and not study the Word of God? What is the point? They are learning instead what kind of worship to have in church, what the 21st culture thinks. WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY? Isn't this important at all? Where do you draw the line of allowing the culutre to influence us? It does influence us because we are in it and from it, but shouldn't our goal be to flee from it and respond through the Word of God? Then you get into the idea of being backwards or out of touch with the real world and staying relevant. Don't we believe that God's word is relevant always and timeless?

We go to a very conservative church - they sing only hymns with organ music. People would describe it as very old fashioned and out of touch with the younger generation. 90% of the congregation is over 60 years old with only a few under 35. But you know what happened a few weeks ago? A young, unmarried couple with two kids came to the services and are now Christians and were convicted and got married that next weekend. I would have said it would never happen. Because of the make-up of the church. I am learning something through all of this. God WORKS no matter what if the Word of God is being preached. It is amazing. The culture rules that I was buying into are wrong. I see that the world was beginning to guide my thougths instead of God's Word. It creeps in so quickly and so quietly. It has us in it's grip before we know it........

Not enough time

I would like to find time for everything I want to do. I would like to read my bible each and every day. I would like to pray and talk to God at least once a day for an extended period of time - not the quick I have a second for this request and this request. All of things I can do, but they are so quick and rushed that the time needed to really contemplate and let ideas grow eludes me....... I would like to be able to excercise and walk each day. Play with my children and read to them. Have time to listen and talk to my husband. Take a nap..... :-)
Days rush by so quickly....with work, kids, and housework. Soon work may be over for me which will be awesome. I will have time then. I am sure I will fill it with other meaningless things rather quickly. maybe I can avoid that by conciously being aware of that tendency.
Again a thoughless blog - but at least I am having thoughts......they can only get better from here.

Thoughts.....

Hmmmm....not too many from here. I think sometimes that I am too busy just trying to get through each and every day. Get three kids through the day and my husband. Sometimes I even get time to try and get myself through the day. We will see if this can spark any thoughts and insights.......